Hello Readers,
How are you all doing today?
In the past few months, I have been an avid listener to so many stories from men who have been a victim of domestic abuse/domestic violence. Shocking right?! Is there a difference between DA and DV? Let's take a look at the meanings.....
What is Domestic Abuse?
Domestic abuse is defined as an incident or a pattern of incidents where behaviour is deemed to be controlling, threatening, coercive and or degrading. In most cases, this is usually caused by a partner or an ex-partner but can also be by your own family members.
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic Violence is defined as an attempted or intentional action to cause bodily harm, infliction of a substantial amount of emotional distress or placing the victim in fear of being hurt.
There is a clear distinction between domestic violence and domestic abuse. Domestic violence is suggesting physical aggression that causes pain, injury, impairment or illness, whilst domestic abuse suggests a wider range of behavioural patterns such as sexual, financial, emotional and psychological abuse based on power structures. The vast majority of cases are experienced and reported by women but I’m here today to shed some light on the men who have been and continue to be silent victims to domestic abuse.
“You are not the darkness you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender.” - John Mark Green
I’ll share with you a brief conversation I had with a fellow work colleague a few weeks back. We were randomly speaking about relationships and he just said it, “I’ve been abused in my past.” The shock on my face was visibly evident to all. What? How? Why? These were all the questions that pierced my thoughts. “It went on for years,” he said. This man had become the prime example of what is viewed as a ‘weak man’ to all who knew him. Close friends and family had begun mocking his existence....can you imagine how he felt? It was at this moment in his life that he began contemplating and even went as far as attempting to commit suicide.
After it was all said and done I asked him why he stayed and endured the abuse for so long, he spoke the words that all men reiterate on a daily basis - “I stayed because of my son.” He had prolonged the length of this abusive relationship because he didn’t want his son to have to deal with the same abuse.
There is a generational theory of abuse that states that people who experience or witness abuse or violence in their childhood are more likely to become involved in violent relationships when they grow up. Staying may seem an easier option at the time but in the long run the children are greatly affected.
Domestic violence from a mans perspective isn’t something that is discussed in our society and the information is very limited because incidents are often unreported. Most often men feel as though no-one will listen to them and that no form of support will solve their problems.
A man who is being abused may experience some if not all of the following:
Lying, blame, along with denial of the abuse
Having money taken or controlled
Destruction of possessions
Threats: intimidation or attacks
Being checked up on or followed
Isolation from friends and family
Mocking, Critiques or Humiliation
In my opinion, violence should never be an option against man, woman or child. What do you gain from abuse? Hurt people almost always end up hurting other people, the cycle has been never-ending. A change of any form begins at home (within ourselves) before we can start changing the world.
Have you been affected by Domestic Violence?
Yes
No
Domestic violence is often one of the most difficult types of situations to escape from and to talk about and can sadly happen to anyone - men, women and even children.
If you or someone you know is in an unsafe environment remember that it is not your fault and there is no shame in seeking help. it may seem like a difficult step to take but there is support available and #YouAreNotAlone.
Nation | Helpline | Contact |
England | Refuge’s National Domestic Abuse Helpline | 0808 2000 247 |
Northern Ireland | Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline | 0808 802 1414 |
Scotland | Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline | 0800 027 1234 |
Wales | Live Fear Free | 0808 80 10 800 |
UK-wide | The Men’s Advice Line | 0808 801 0327 |
Thank you for reading.